yes, i know.
i know it. i feel it. this isn’t a matter of balls, just a necessity.
i want to leave. and i’m going to.
it’s been long enough now, long enough, and now, i need to leave everything behind.
everything i know. everything i don’t know. everything i’ll never learn here.
i’m writing it ten times a day now. i’m thinking about it more than i reasonnably should, and i’m dreaming of it now. every single night. every single day. my eyes are wide open, fixing a point far away, and i see it. i watch it coming. slowly. surely.
lost prophet of my daylights, where are you ?
yes, i know.
i know that nothing has even started here yet. it hasn’t even begun yet. but i’m tired of these empty fields of impossibilities that stretch out my vision. i’m sick of yes and i’m sick of no. i’m sick of laters and i’m sick of nows. i’m sick of those places i know all too well, i’m sick of those appartments and those couches, i’m sick of my massive doorway code and i’m sick of my view here.
it doesn’t lead anywhere.
there never was any horizon that repulsive to me, i’m going to need to puke soon.
no, i know.
i know that leaving is never an option, merely the quickest exit.
but i’m now looking to my next exit to life.
i want to travel alone, if i do. when i do. i don’t want the feel of any well known face, i don’t want the sight of any well known laughter, i don’t want the sound of any well known tears.
i want my own from now on.
yes, i know.
i’m being selfish.
and no, i’m not drunk.
just crying, hitting my head against the walls of my clinic chambers of solitude…
i can’t care anymore. don’t ask me to.
