ne pas me forcer.
je suis ? prendre et/ou ? laisser…

Interview at 6.30 pm tonight, and i’m scared shitless.

Not because of the artist i’m interviewing — i say interviewing, because making the simultaneous translation is like making the whole interview, except that the questions aren’t mine — but because i don’t have any talent for that.
Some journalists have this talent, they know how to be interesting, they know how to make a conversation instead of just asking the questions that are on a list. I don’t know if i can do that, i don’t have that particular intelligence and insight, i’m not very very smart, i don’t have the musical culture it requires, i don’t have that particular curiosity on command, even though i’m curious, and i don’t write or think about the music most of the times, i just feel it.
besides, i don’t want to be a journalist, i’m not a writer and i can’t write, it’s bad enough that i can’t write a live report when i’m not inspired to assemble words, even if i loved the show, so why should i pretend to be something that i’m not ?

I wish i didn’t care. I wish i could just translate and ask the dumbest questions without giving a damn, but the fact is that i respect the artists far too much to do that. I don’t want to be just another dumb journalist with my dumb list of dumb questions, if i’m going to do something on a professional level, then i want to be as professional as i can.
If the interview was all mine, if the questions or topics were all mine, maybe i wouldn’t feel like such a retard, maybe i wouldn’t want to turn to the journalist and ask him what the fuck a question is that ?
I have to use diplomacy and i’m no diplomat…

The only thing that really cheers me up, is when the artist or band agrees to make a couple of pictures, these are by far the only moments when i really feel at ease…
As for the rest, i have to deal with it the best way i can, and right now, it’s being scared shitless…

i often wish that i could stay behind a camera all the time when i’m not alone.

it’s not that i want to avoid people,
it’s just that i want to avoid myself…

(just kiddin’)
:|
(you won’t really want to see what sunday morning really looked like anyway, will you ?)

soundtrack : overhead – the handsome machine

we could have combined our pens to make a four hands drawing, i had vivid colors, you had more paper than you needed. you could have painted the ground and what lays at your feet while i would have sketched some clouds in red and orange, you could have handed me some green if my own was too dark and i would have left you white space and given you my black,
and if you could not tell where we would go blue, it’s because i could not find what to make of you,
i would not have watched how your colors blended, i would have kept secret why i had put that clock in,
and if you had asked why it seemed to be fading, it’s because bleaching is the way i’m loving.

i would have let you the sky, but i would have made its borders, you could have wanted a forest, then i would have built a fire, you could have run out of pink, and it would not have mattered, i would have splashed red stains and called it desire,
and if you had painted a bed, i would have drawn our bodies, and if you had painted love, i would have made worries,
you could have drawn the sun and me the shadows, i could have drawn your smiles and you my sorrows,
i would not have watched how your colors blended, i would have kept secret why i had put that road in,
and if you had asked why it seemed to disappear, it’s because bleaching is the way i’m loving…

and when your canvas would have been covered with your happiness and my lies,
you would have watched our broken promises and i would have raised my glass,
see, i’m the one who cannot tell whether it’s real or bright or empty
and you’re one to scratch the surface to find what could have been
and if you had asked what was in me that you could not see,
i would have warned you, bleaching is the way i’m loving…