i read all the papers all the time. i read a ton of websites. it’s been a few weeks that i can’t help myself. i know that what’s lying beneath this thirst for information is the little fear to not be ready. but are we ever ready ? i don’t know. it seems so far and so close at the same time. unreal, too, despite the mails sent, the contacts made, the phone calls yet to make, the replies and questions. more questions, always more. we’re leaving with a couple of t-shirts, a sleeping bag and a couple of tons of questions. i made some lists. i’m counting my bags, already arranging my cameras. i’m waiting for b&w films to be delivered this week. i’m checking details when it’s too soon to do that yet. i’m wondering what i’ll take. i’m wondering what we’ll make of it. i’m wondering about my eye and what i won’t be able to make of it. then i chase all of this away. it seems so far and so unreal. and i go back to my newspapers and websites.

and i remember an evening and a talk and how the horizon of my entire life seemed wider, i felt ridiculously small and somehow a lot wiser. for a minute or two, i thought i’d grasped and understood the whole world.
and i remember a dream where the sky at night seemed higher. it’s almost impossible to describe, but it was simply, really, much further, much higher.

i’m editing some backstage and soundchecks footage. it’s good to keep my mind from reeling endlessly and from these things i’ll never know before i’m there. i can’t wait.