we’re sitting on the steps of a post office, and i breathe in deeply
then the nose in my scarf, coughing, choking,
they’re all laughing
looking at the sun’s reflections that a window projects
in the street.
i get up, i put my my hands in my pockets,
looking at them, trying to listen to them,
their laughter that sounds louder than anything
in my ears.
i notice some cars, a highway
on the sidewalk. i look closer,
the cars are white, all headed towards
a puddle of dirty water, and always
a stain of light, like the pavement isn’t clean,
i dig my camera out of my bag, and i frame
the stain,
the cars, so white, so white on the dark sidewalk
the lines,
i hear their laughter and their voices,
i turn around, they’re looking at me,
they’re saying something
P. takes me by the shoulders and looks into my eyes,
i say something, i try to explain
but the words melt in my mouth,
i laugh,
i breathe in briskly, i try to find some oxygen,
P. is on orbit, J. says so urban jungle,
i turn around, stare at the cars,
then at the sky, so blue so white.

we decide to move, we walk slowly,
they’re talking too fast and i’m freezing
my ears are hot, my feet are light, like a cool breeze
we’re hungry now, and thursty,
we enters in open bars and shops,
to give our flyers,
the village is so friendly now,
i can’t focus, i try to focus,
i frame in my head the time passing
so quickly,
blue and yellow,
i can’t talk
i say i’m in a time warp,
i’m in a vision trap,
with spots and colors bouncing
irregularly in front of my eyes,
we get in, we get out, i lose their sight,
i frame in my head the time passing
so slowly,
i stare at faces, windows and empty shapes,
it’s getting harder to unglue my gaze
from the streetlights and the gutters
it all melts into some completeness
but i’m lonely and i want to close the shutters
that open to this world.
i start to panic somehow,
i’m convinced i’ll never have enough time,
time for what ?
the time is distorded, and the city is blurry,
i feel we need to get out,
i need to get out, i’m in such a hurry,
i need to run, it’s sunday,
but i don’t have the time, i don’t have the time.

at last we find a cosy place where we sit
and order breakfast.
i stay silent, like no word is ever going
to fall from my mouth
except for a joke, and they laugh ever harder,
i can’t follow their moves, their talks,
they’re too loud or i’m too quiet,
through a haze of noise and pastel colors,
i hear J. asking if i’m okay,
i flash her smile, her eyes, in my mind,
i take my camera to picture her and A.
to feel less uncomfortable,
sitting at this table, with no clear line
to follow.

we leave around seven,
for another round of bars with our flyers
i wish we could stop again,
i wish i could be in control again,
i wish i could think,
we decide ourselves for a last glass of wine
and a cigarette,
the darkness around helps me
to stop losing my grip more completely,
i stretch my legs and i’m not going to fall from the stool,
the air i breathe isn’t shaky anymore,
and maybe it’s easy for my eyes to move,
around me they’re talking busy,
slowly, my words quit stumbling between my lips
and when my drinks are finished,
i can picture myself walking on a soft mist,
i close my eyes, i focus on a point far from now,
and i breathe out,
deeply…

soundtrack : k’s choice – not an addict