and above all, there are those perfect feelings. sometimes. from time to time.
i got lost in the images i saw.
suddenly, it was all right in front of my eyes. i had a glimpse into a certitude, through future years and years of doubts and hard work, for a split second, i saw it, this perfect moment i dream about late at night, when i escape from sleep and land in vast intersections, between sound sleep, dreams, and light consciousness…
i was awaken, i think, then.
now well, i know i saw it. i don’t know what it is, but i know i saw it.
maybe it was in the colors, maybe it was in the scratched effects in the images, maybe it was in the deep black and white, maybe even, it was in the “subliminal” images, glances at darkness and orange tones, shapes and shadows, maybe it was in the pale blue skies, where the sun was covered with its reflections in clouds so white it looked like it didn’t belong to this world…maybe it was nowhere to be seen…

success is unsettled…i consider talent to be unsettled as well. uncertain. yet…there’s something in my blood, i feel it, running up and down in my veins, imperceptible and unseizable…
i could look at the best pictures ever made, and i would think i’ll have my time, too, i’m gonna have my time coming too.
i can dream and imagine the images that i’m making. i don’t know how to explain that. it’s all in my head, i don’t know where, i don’t know how, it’s all in my head and i don’t want to wake up. i can’t tell anyone in advance what i’ll do, or what it is i see and want to see, even though everything is quite decided for me yet, even though i know. i know.
i know and i’m scared and not afraid of anything, all at the same time.
i know and i’m hopeful and hopeless, all at the same time.

or maybe i don’t know anything, and that’s the best part of it. for each “this is great”, for each “i love it”, there are a million questions that awake, and await in my mind.
maybe luck is a lie. maybe talent is a lie as well.
what will always stay are your own feelings, and my own. images die, we only keep and cherish the memories we have of them…
and this isn’t as pessimistic as it sounds, this is, actually, the most optmistic thought i’ve had for months…

soundtrack : radiohead – subterranean homesick alien