i wake up with the usual thunderstorm this morning, just like i’d fallen asleep to its sound a couple of nights before. I’d laid in bed, smiling to no one, wondering if i would get up to watch the rain pouring on the roofs and the lightnings, wondering if i would get up to play a mogwai cd. but i’d fallen asleep before really having to consider any getting up in the middle of the night option.

I get up eventually to a phone call, a band’s manager asks me if we can postpone the promo shooting to next week, i have a look at my schedule, press thingies on monday, festival on friday and saturday, work on sunday, wednesday is okay with me, i say. meanwhile, my other phone is ringing and it makes me grin.
i open the curtain and have a look at the roofs that i’ll come to miss dearly in just a few months, the sky has been washed and the air is incredibly refreshing. i can imagine myself in south france now. i summon the vision of the hill, and what’s left of the forest on my right, there’s probably a horse somewhere in the prairie, i can almost hear my mother having breakfast at the terrace outside, talking to my brothers or laughing with a friend on the phone.
i stare back at the sky and the glittering clouds are swimming so fast to the north-west that i can pretend that my boat is leaving just as fast. i enjoy for a moment having a hand on the tiller and the other playing with the mainsheet, i slowly luff until i’m ready to change tack, then turn back from the window and start to prepare coffee.

i glance at my to-do book, there are pictures to be sent to a band for their demo inside cover, others to a young actor, a few old ones to a performer, and the images for my next exhibition to the lab. i need to finish the still shots from last week’s musical video shooting. i upload the pictures of yesterday’s session and they look better than i thought, nothing incredible but they will have to do the trick. i need to put my camera’s battery to charge, empty the memory cards and prepare the pictures.
J. calls to cancel today’s session, tomorrow then. she makes me agree to go to the swimming pool with her tomorrow morning. i didn’t intend to go at first, but considering how it emptied my head yesterday, it would be stupid to refuse.
i might even go to her tai-chi course on friday morning. i might even start to take kung-fu or french boxing lessons with her and F. in september. it took me four months to accept the idea of giving it a try. maybe i want to try to stay fit, maybe i want to try to stop losing weight and maybe i want to try to evacuate the pressure and anxiety in an other way than smoking like a fireman, eating chocolate and being a wannabee sociopath. maybe i’m tired of being tired all the time, maybe i’m tired of feeling like shit all the time, maybe i’m tired of not sleeping at night.

another glance at my to-do book shows me that i also need to drop films to the lab, that i need to buy new ones, that i need to call a guy at a newspaper on my cousin’s advice, that i need to mail the woman in charge of a radio’s communication.
september is going to be a blast.
but i need a nap first.

soundtrack : it don’t matter – donavon frankenreiter