i was reading Elixie‘s last post, and i found myself smiling at first, because it’s cute and tender and pleasant to read, then i wondered why i never write posts about happy loves.

then i stopped wondering. i had sort of a massive headache.

***

so anyway, i went tonight at a small party with photo school ol’ buddies, there was the daily paper “20 minutes” in the metro so i read my horoscope, it said “bet everything on Love, you’ve got a lot to win if you do because your professional life doesn’t worth much these days.”

it was just a misprint, i’m sure they’ll apologize for it tomorrow.

***

we finally got to N.’s new appartment, he just bought it and will have finished paying it in about 25 years. oddly enough, he can take a 25 years loan to buy an appartment but finds himself too immature to have a kid. i know it isn’t exactly the same, but coming to think about it, i don’t consider myself mature enough to have a kid or to buy an appartment, then can i really have a cat ?

***
the party was mostly about asking everybody “so, watcha doin’ now ?” and answering that very question to them. i got there a bit late, so when i arrived, all eyes were on me while i was replying in an awfully shy way, which is very odd considering i’ve spend two years getting drunk, saying crude jokes and printing pictures in a darkroom with them. you’d think those things could avoid any awkwardness during parties, but obviously not.
so that’s how i learnt that a friend wanted to get married before having kids and that yes, she was considering getting married. i kinda felt weird at this moment.
short after that i heard another friend say yeah well, i won’t look for another job right now, with the kid and all.
his kid will be born in a couple of weeks.
i hope it didn’t show that i started to freak out.
then i realized i was at that age when old buddies-let’s talk about good ol’ times-parties would become more and more just talks about weddings and being engaged and kids’ teeth and schools and birth.

it makes me feel really old and incredibly young at the same time.

fortunately, there was my couple of gay friends who are together for more than four years and they didn’t talk about getting married or adopting a kid, they just said how one spent a year in dresden and wanted to live in berlin and how the other was going to japan for two months for an artistic project, how he’d go to toronto right after and how he was just back from china where he made a photo exhibition.
that was so much more my idea of what an ex-photo-students reunion should be.

***

at the end, i took the metro back with vince and we had an argument, we’re kind of an old couple, i know. he said that “people” are dumb and that “people” don’t know how to recognize a brilliant picture from an ugly one if they’re shown both. i didn’t agree of course, i said it was a dumb theory, he made me say out loud that i’m intelligent and educated then said he wouldn’t have the pretention to say that about himself and that me saying this was brain masturbation.
of course, i always forget that being conscious that you’re not a moron without culture and education is about worse to be one. i suppose the best attitude is to say that people are dumb and not try to be a bit better than that. way to go. my massive headache is back.