can’t stop wondering if this whole year hasn’t been just as vain as i am, can’t push away the thought of an easy job to allow me to pay my rent, can’t find words to explain how i see it to my banker and my father, can’t pick up the phone to my banker at 10 am anymore, can’t find more doors to knock at, can’t buy gifts for the ones i love for christmas, can’t wait for a miracle, can’t pay a train ticket to nowhere, can’t pay anything anyway, can’t imagine when it’s going to work, can’t find consolation in one of my editor’s compliments on the phone, can’t fend off overwhelming exhaustion, can’t stand any music, can’t write, can’t sleep, can’t wake up, can’t get up, can’t fight the fear, can’t stop smoking my lungs off, can’t stop working my eyes out,
can’t spend the whole fucking day crying, can i ?
soundtrack : only k’s choice is bearable, choose your favorite one
09.12.2004
8 blablas sympas
dire un truc ?
Now can’t find anymore how to help and support you.
you’ve already done more than what anyone could wish from a dear friend, right now if i hold on, it’s to thank you and show you that your help hasn’t been vain…i know that it’s my call to figure out a way, on my own, it’s so fucking hard, but i don’t suppose it’s ever easy for anyone…
Tried to play my part this evening, but you didn’t seem to be at the end of a line (neither your comp or phone…) so that’s it for the best pizza in the whole neighbourhood… we’re gonna do this later…
I guess we’ll talk about it elsewhere, but… as long as I’m not sure we really shall, I’ll just answer one of your points saying that it’s not for anyone else than yourself that you should hold on. You don’t have to engage your life in order to thank anyone (else than you). Now done my part, now said my words… Now just adding good luck to you. Never really far shall I be.
i know what you mean, and i do agree. when i don’t feel like i worth doing anything for myself, i have to hold on to something else, it’ll pass, i know i’ve got much better things to do with my time than crying over myself…
et fr, vraiment excuse moi j’ai cumul? : photoshop tout l’aprem + concert + plus de batterie de telephone…next time if you forgive me ?
“Ladybird has gone inside my head
Black spot; ugly stain is the only witness to remain
There’s nothing to be said about it all.”
you might not see what I mean by these words. but to me, it’s kind of an answer..
i’ve got to admit that i’m not too sure what it means…but i really like these words anyway, thank you..
Forgiven.