six for the fear…

i’ve lost my carelessness when i’ve realized how much i was craving to live and that i didn’t have the time to wait to be taken away just to never wake up and keep up walking through a dream where i can’t grasp anything, it’s been awhile that i’ve started to think about the little things we try to create wishing we could relate to something we’d call our own, i don’t believe truths that drop down in your palms, or answers that come easily found, but i have lost my thoughts at the point where it all began, i sort of hope that someday i will sit down in a desert far from here and discover that i’ve still got the time.

i’ve lost my thoughtlessness the day i’ve found out that never is a slow poison of the mind and that i’ve used it more than i can count, i’ve got my life to remember how my innocence has been shattered and how no matter the way i consider it, i’m responsible for most part of the crash, i’ve lost my thoughtlessness the day i’ve decided which part of me wouldn’t recover and which side of myself i would keep secret.

…and there are four for every morning being just another monday morning…

i’ve lost my lightness the day i’ve found obvious that photography was the most serious thing to me, i’ve put myself away and told everyone i needed to concentrate, i’ve set my goal to an ideal but partly abandonned faith and illusions at the first wall i’ve encountered, i hit the ground ten times a day and i get up i don’t know how, i’ve lost my lightness the day i’ve cried that there were things i wouldn’t bear, i’ve lost my lightness the day i’ve said that i wanted to travel light, and so i’ve put down carapaces and i’ve set fire to my burdens, but i didn’t know how much losses weigh, i’ve sacrificed colors in my eyes for a sky heavy with smoke.

…and then there are two for the thoughts running in circles…

i’ve lost my patience when i turned twenty two and twenty three and twenty four and didn’t want to spare any more minutes and hours, i’ve stretched out my borders and went back in and forgot to take my breath, catching headaches instead, i’ve placed myself at the center of a maze and then i complained that directions were missing, while it was me i missed the most, so i told that myself was gone and filled all the reports, maybe no one has found it yet, maybe no one could catch it yet, maybe no one can bring it back.
i’ve lost my eloquence the day i discovered what passion means to me, i thought i would better walk by mute than compel myself to tell how i see, i’ve lost my evidences when i’ve looked deep inside of me, when i’ve found out there are feelings that i wish wouldn’t be here, and when they surface i learn to accept them, i hate them, and i hate hate and i hate me.

…and there’s one for resent.

i’ve found where my balance is the day i’ve lost a part of me, i’ve left it in the way to attest the changes and when i look back i see where i am and where i’ve been, tomorrow i’ll be doing an interview, a photo shooting and a photo report and i look at who i was some years ago, my regrets are at rest and i can’t help but grin.